Sometimes I think there are just two types of facebook users. Those who play Mafia Wars and the rest of us who have still preserved their own sanity.
But observing a little more closely, you can categorize almost every user in a fixed category. Here is my first cut at the list.
1. The Chirpy
They are generally happy people on Facebook. They share their smiles when it rains. Or the joy of a cup of tea on a Sunday morning. They want the world to know if they are humming a tune from 1960s. These people are annoyance but only a little. Many a time their status updates make me smile. So no hostile feelings to them.
2. The Braggers
These people primarily do only one thing on Facebook. Brag. If they did a world tour, they want to brag about it by sharing about a couple hundred photographs. If they ran a marathon, they want everyone to appreciate. They also show the symptoms of the first category by trying very hard to make the world notice them and their achievements. Which makes them a little more annoying than those above.
3. The Grumpy Whiners
This category really pisses me off. These are the people who think only they have all the problems in the world. If their professor gave them a tough assignment on which they had to spend the night, they would be complaining on Facebook at 4 in the morning. If they had to work on a weekend, they would spend more time on Facebook complaining about it than actually working. I have just two questions for them. Why are you seeking the entire world's sympathy everytime you run into a little problem? And second, do you really think anybody gives a f**k about your problems? Grow up.
4. The Habitual App'ers
These guys live on Facebook only for one reason. To try out Apps. Some freaking psychic named Tara or Zelda or whatever the hell. Some Farmville little people. Gangsters in Mafia War. Crazy cabbies running amok in the city. You name it. And they have tried those apps. The best thing is that you can hide these games once and for all. This makes them a little less dangerous and annoying than the other categories.
5. The Wise Guys
These are not the 'wise guys' from De Niro's movie. They are the people who come up with wise thoughts and update their status messages. Most of those status messages are good and entertaining. So no complaints here.
6. The Attention Seekers
These people update their status message with lines that you can never understand without context. For example 'Why does it have to be that way?' 'Can you believe it?' 'I am so sad' and so on and so forth. And that's their strategy. They deliberately keep the context out of their first updates. And then when people start asking questions, they start revealing bit by bit. They are plain attention seekers who want the world to ask them about themselves.
7. The Occults
These people update their status messages with bizarre messages. Sometimes messages in some exotic languages which they know nobody else knows. I just have one request to them. If you want to do it, fine. But please just translate it in plain English as well so that we don't have to ask you everytime what it means.
8. The Knowledge Sharers
They love to stick interesting links into their status updates. I am sort of one of these people. So I show an obvious bias towards this category and will refrain from bashing these. However, comments are welcome.
Which Facebook User are you?
P.S. All the sarcasm and pun in this post are intended. But please do not take it personally. It's just friggin' Facebook. Who cares?
Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.
What did you dream?
It's alright we told you what to dream.
You dreamed of a big star,
He played a mean guitar,
He always ate in the Steak Bar.
He loved to drive in his Jaguar.
So welcome to the Machine.