Questions

You take one step towards future from the present and several things happen. Your present becomes past. The fears of change and future are allayed. The mind is filled with excitement and heart is filled with new memories of something which has just morphed into being the past from present.

Why is it that you always long to go back in time and live the days of past again. When you are in college, you always long to go back to school days. Suddenly the prayer halls which you never liked to attend while you were in school start looking charming, lovely and innocent. Why is it that the school teachers whose lectures were terribly boring, you start missing them? The chirping of students around in the class, playground all looks very rosy and distant.

I miss my school days most. Whenever I try to remember my college days, I never have many memories. It's always studying on those lawns, or those haunting lab assignments or one or two events that I had participated in. But they are all there because they are part of my past. Not because they are special to me. I never feel that thrill or long to re-live them.

And I have this question today that why is it that most of the times you think that you were much happier in the past. You always say 'Good Old Days'. Have you ever heard someone saying 'Good Present Days'? Sounds odd, doesn't it?

The event that instigated this question in my mind is that suddenly I realized, I wanted to go back to UofA! It's been just five days in the industry and I miss a hundred things already from my grad school days. I want to get up at 10 in the morning like old days. I want to be able to go to sleep at 3 at night. I want to go to library in shorts. All of a sudden the formal clothes start feeling clumsy on my body. I would rather go back to my attire of jeans and a T. This really amazes me because I have always loved wearing formal clothes. May be the reason is because I have to press them before wearing and it's such a laborious task.

The most annoying thing in the present is to have to shave alternate days. There was a time during grad school when I used to shave once in a week and could afford that unkempt look. An old T with worn out jeans and carelessly parted hair and grown facial hair. This was the look not very unfamiliar to me in those days.

It is really marvelous to think about this! I could never imagine that I would recall my days at UofA and even more I would even long to re-live them! This really astonishes me.

Is it that we never appreciate the beauty of present because we are too busy dealing with our day to day lives. We are afraid of the future. But when the present becomes past, we are carefree. Because it is never going to affect our lives. Those days, places, events are all past. You don't have to worry about them now. Whereas the present, it is still there. The actions we take are going to decide the future. They are going to make an impact on our tomorrows. That's why we are always very cautious and worrying about what will happen next if I do this or that.

Only if we had the powers to know the future, we might be able to appreciate the beauty of present.

Observations

I've been commuting between NJ and NY for four days now. It's been a very interesting experience! Will jot down some observations.

1. People never rush in and out of trains or on the platform. No matter how crowded the platform is and no matter how quick the train takes off, people will never rush or push aside others. Extremely patient, tolerant and considerate of others. Something of blaring contrast with Indian mentality.

2. Two guys never sit together in the trains even if they know each other well. If you are a man, sitting close to another man is looked upon as suspiciously gay behavior. I have been observing people on the trains. I never saw two guys sitting on a 2-person seat. And when they sit on a 3-person seat, they sit on far corners, trying to maintain as much distance as possible.

3. On the escalators, 2 people can stand side by side like all escalators. But interesting thing is that the left queue always moves. That is if you want to stand on the escalator, you are supposed to stand on the right side. If you want to climb up or down, you are supposed to be on the left queue.

4. On the NJ Transit (NJ to NY) the ticket checker comes to every seat, takes the ticket from you and places a chit (A colored strip of paper with some numbers written on it) with a punch hole on the head of the seat in front of you. There is a leather pocket on the seat in which they slip this piece of paper. And when your destination station is about to come, they come and take this chit back.

5. You can buy ticket on the train also but you need cash. I had a bad experience when I was carrying the pass but the pass was of next month and the conductor said you will have to buy ticket as this pass is not valid in this month. I had to get down at the next station. I did so even if the conductor didn't ask me to. Plain old ego! Lesson learned: Always keep your eyes open, inspect the things you buy and carry some cash in your pocket always.

6. NY people have complete disregard for walk signs on the road. They act just like we do in India. They will look at both the sides for coming vehicles and if there is no vehicle till a reasonable distance, they will cross the street even if the walk-sign is off. How I love this spirit :P

7. Within Bloomberg, the free food is consumed in same quantity as it would have been in India somewhere. People here in US do not feel embarrassed about free food. Even in my school, I hear people mentioning free food every now and then. In the school, we have this custom of having cookies, coffee etc on every special lecture organized by the department every week. And the subject line of the email always reads 'Free food now on the 9th floor atrium !'.

8. Bloomberg has TV screens here and there in the office space. Recently they are showing the photographs of new hires. It was fun to see my photo being displayed across all the floors of the office :)

First day at Bloomberg

Today was the day I would not say I had been waiting for very eagerly, but certainly the day which holds significant importance in my career and my professional life. It was my first day at Bloomberg LP, as my internship commenced today.

I had already visited the place yesterday as part of 'net practice' and so I was quite familiar with the system of the local trains here. I live in Iselin in New Jersey state which is about 30 miles from Manhattan, where my workplace is. So the way I commute is I take a train from New Jersey to New York, Penn Station. And from there I take a local train (NY Subway) to reach office. This total takes about 1 hour and 15 minutes.

It is just like commuting in Mumbai. The fight to beat the morning rush, mechanically boarding the trains, switching the trains, reading on board to kill an hour of commuting and finally reaching the office in time. Or rather before time.

The Bloomberg LP building is one of the most impressive and massive structures on Lexington Ave. which is the heart of Manhattan, NY. The building is an architectural marvel. It is built in the shape of a hoarse shoe. And the complete structure has glassed outer surface and the exterior walls are slanting, giving it a very creative and modern look.



The training program started right on time at 8 in the morning. There were about 30 other people starting the internship in the same batch. We were given the schedule and on the first look itself we realized that it was going to be a hectic day. The composition of the batch was really impressive. People from UC Berkeley, CMU and other giants formed the part of group which was really cool. It felt good to be working with people from such places. The places which are like pillars of computer science field.

The workspace is really cool. With all the free food and drink stuff like cookies, chips, juices, cold drinks, coffee and so on. Everywhere you go in the building, you will encounter Bloomberg TV and Bloomberg Radio. To the extent that even in the restrooms they have kept TV screens which show Bloomberg TV. All the walls in the office building are made up of glass which they say signifies Bloomberg's open and transparent policy.

The Bloomberg has specialized computers which they call Bloomberg Terminal. They have two monitors which are connected with each other and you can seamlessly work on both with just one mouse. This was my first experience with such terminals! It was fun though. The keyboard are also tailored to the Bloomberg Software.

The training was more or less boring except for the last part which was Introduction to the Basics of Finance. It was by a very cool fellow who taught us as if he was teaching first day class in some MBA school. At the end of the day we were given two free books, one 'Bloomberg by Bloomberg by Mike Bloomberg' and another by that finance guy about basics of finance.

I learned new lesson today about Metro trains that once you swipe your Metro pass, you can not reuse it for another 18 minutes ! I made a goof up of coming out of the exit door immediately after entering and then I tried to re-enter. The gate got locked and the security personnel told me that this is how it works. It blocks for 18 minutes after one use! Crazy american customs!

The difference between NY commuting and Mumbai commuting is huge. Mainly in terms of facilities and infrastructure. Here also you will encounter multitudes of people. All busy and rushing. Ofcourse the number is not comparable in absolute terms with the number of people traveling in Mumbai locals. But the trains are a lot cleaner. They have a/c which goes without saying. And you can easily stand if you don't get to sit. The timing and punctuality of trains is definitely same. Here I can't say NY has and edge over Mumbai as Mumbai locals are also very efficient and punctual. It's just that in Mumbai, the unmanageable number of people turn the whole local commuting into a frenzied walk through a pandemonium.

It so happened that I started reading the book 'Maximum City - Bombai Lost and Found by Suketu Mehta' and couldn't keep myself from comparing the two Cities. The jewel in the crown. Mumbai in India and NY in USA.

The cities which appear to be extremely charming from outside but are hollow from within. The pockets filled with money, mind filled with worries and hearts empty of emotions. Everyone is in the race to outsmart others. The corner cabin in office, a brand new car, branded suit and tie. Status, money and lifestyle. All at the expense of peace of mind. But who cares about peace of mind anyway? All that matters in this rat race is money.

Life is too short. You have to act quick. That goes in harmony with the lifestyle of NY and Mumbai. That's where I would love to belong. People say you wear out after a few years in NY and Mumbai. I say to them, let me have that too. I will feel it myself and then decide whether it is true or not. Let's see how my dreams are fulfilled. Let's see after these three months, where destiny takes me when next year I look forward to start my full time employment.

Down memory lane - First few days in Tucson

It's been almost a month. I have been underground totally. Partly because I did not have time for thinking and writing anything due to my exams. And partly because I actually did not have anything to write about.

Now I am back. I hit upon some writings that I did about 8-9 months ago. It's about my experiences in Tucson and UofA during very initial days. This post will look a little anachronistic but I thought it would be fun to keep it here.

Enjoy ! (If at all anybody is bothering to read my blogs. Of which I am highly skeptical.)
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September 06, 2006

It is a new life out here. Everything has changed around me and here I am typing my story in Tucson during the last one month.

I finished one month in Tucson. And it has been an eventful journey. It is the beginning of a new life. The life of a graduate student and in a broader sense, the life of an independent human being.

I remember landing here one month ago. It was a calm night at Tucson airport which I have realized now to be a typical characteristics of all Tucson nights. Mostly clear skies and favorable temperature. I was loaded with three huge bags. A big blunder immediately followed.

I was standing at the baggage claim and it was the area for some other airline. As such I am quite used to standing for baggage claim for long time because it has always been the case that my baggage takes the maximum possible time. My bags usually enjoy that ride on the luggage belt and that is why I suppose they take long time to come out to me. But this time it was different! As I said, I was standing at the wrong place. And I realized that after almost 15-20 minutes. Having realized that, I went to the actual claim place then and took the bags. Then a bigger problem was facing me.

I could not locate any free trolley to put my luggage on and the trolleys required some coins, I don't remember how many quarters. I did not have the change and thus could not get the trolleys. I was wondering how I would drag the bags away from the claim space. And if this was not enough, I could not locate Somu – the person who was supposed to come and pick me up. I waited for him for 10-15 minutes and was wondering if I should make a call. But again the problem was I did not have coins to operate the public telephone. I realized that it was a grave mistake not to carry change, especially quarters.

Luckily, I spotted him in some time and he was with another guy named Mohan who was the one with a car. So we started towards my first destination. The name of the place is University Gardens and Kishore – India Club president lives there. So he had arranged for a temporary accommodation at his place.

I reached there and saw a flood of people already gathered. All unknown faces. Most uncomfortable situation for me! It is always difficult for me to mix with the people seamlessly in initial meetings and more difficult thing is to remember people’s names and faces after having met them once. So I was sitting there without speaking much when Karthik came forward and started talking with me. And it was the start of a new friendship for me. As I look back over the past one month, I feel that we have been very good friends now.

Then some seniors tried to start the mock ragging but could not convert it to a full scale ragging and thus we were saved a lot of unnecessary stupidity. I escaped further boredom by making an excuse that the flight was tiresome and I needed sleep.

The first morning in Tucson was very eventful. I was sitting in the drawing room of Kishore’s place and I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door and saw one more stranger. I just said ‘Hi’ without much interest and introduced myself. He introduced himself as Vinayak ! He was the one I was going to live with here. He had been in Tucson for a couple of days and so was familiar with places. We went to see the place which was going to be our home in Tucson for at least a year from then. The name of the place is ‘Crossroads Apartment’ which is two blocks away from Kishore’s place – University Gardens.

The apartment looked beautiful even when it was unfurnished at the time we saw it first. It is Ground floor – First floor type of structure. The kitchen and sitting room are on ground floor and the bedroom is on the first floor. It is built in 1950s and is a pretty old type. We have trees in front of the house, tea-tables and swimming pool. It is an ideal quiet place to live in. It included all the amenities like air conditioning, heating, gas, microwave oven, and furniture etc. And the biggest plus point of the place is the free wireless internet! We have been using that heavily since the day we came.

Continued ......

Next few days

Thus after looking at the house, we agreed to sign the lease for a year. The contract is $475 per month and early vacating would result in penalty of $900. The contract would cover furnishing including microwave. After finishing the formalities we went to do the shopping! After all it was like setting up a new home! This was the first such experience for me as I have never been in a hostel.

I remember buying things like dust-bin, pillows, broom, cleaner, detergent powder, oil and what not! I would not say that the experience was exciting because it really was not! But anyway, it had to be done. Gone were the days when I used to enjoy the freedom from going to any grocery store or a mall back in India. Now it had to be done and done by myself. Thus it was a unique experience of shopping for my own house. We finally moved into the Crossroad Apt. that day only and started arranging things.

The memorable experience on the first day in the new house was messing up with air conditioner. I tried to lower the temperature in the AC and it did not like to take orders from its new master. Thus it straightway refused to operate. And there we were. Left in the heat at night. But luckily the there is a fan in the sitting room. So I brought my bed from the bedroom and set it up under the fan.

The responsibilities were many during initial days. Many formalities had to be completed. I remember I had to submit some documents at the college, open a new bank account, apply for electricity transfer on our name, get the keys to our post box, activate the gas connection and many other things. These were my first lessons of an independent life. A unique experience was at post office. We went to that place and did not know what to do. Because there were some numbers being put up on the board and we did not know whether we had to get a number from somewhere. I remember asking an American gentleman and he was kind enough to explain me the system of getting a number from a machine and waiting till the number is called.

I am very impressed by the system here. Most of the people enjoy their work and look happy. At least they look happy which is in sharp contrast from the situation back in India. But I will refrain myself from making comparisons. People here are very patient with everything. They would listen to you carefully and try to help you. Holding the door open for the person behind you is a very normal custom here. I am greeted with a broad smile wherever I go. Even government places like post office or Social Security Office have friendly people. And things move in a very efficient manner. At least till now, I have not encountered any stumbling block in my processes.

I remember my struggle to memorize the roads in and around the University. I am not legendary for my road sense anyway which I confess. The University is huge. It is about 1 square mile in area. And it is so wide that many busy streets pass from within the University area. It is a beautiful place. Full of trees and gardens and fountains. The buildings are very old fashioned with the tallest building being our own Computer Science department building. All the buildings are redbrick type. I have fallen in love with some places like Student Union which where I am sitting right now, writing this. They have benches under the trees where you can sit quietly and do your work. And added advantage is the wireless availability at this place. There are fountains around this place which make beautiful sound of water and reminds me of the days when I used to sit in my balcony back home listening to rain.

There are two libraries I visit often. Both have very nice places for studying. Isolated tables and chairs provide a refuge from the busy places of university. The place is full of multicultural people. I remember the first day of International orientation when every one was asked to identify oneself with the country. No wonder we Indians outnumbered every one else. Even China. Indians were the biggest in number. Followed by China. The orientation was not very eventful and was mainly a series of boring lectures.

----------Coming back to the topic of people composition of the University, there are people coming from various parts of the world. And the roads in the University are always full of people during the weekdays. Apart from cars, people use bicycles and skateboards. The roads have restrictions for everything. Some roads you can’t ride your bicycle on, some roads you can’t do skate-boarding and all sorts of rules to make the life of pedestrians easier. One more interesting thing about campus is the UofA anthem playing at 12 noon everyday. It is a very jolly theme and exciting to listen to. They play it from the top of library and graduate college buildings and it creates a very energetic atmosphere.
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It ended here. I think I had got tired of writing. I get bored of things pretty quickly and I am sure I was fed up of this too. So it ended abruptly here! But when I read it now, it feels nice to recollect some of these incidents.

Another day in paradise - Phil Collins

I know this song since I was a kid but today I watched the video and paid attention to the lyrics and they literally gave me goose bumps. The words are so true and sad. And the accompanying video makes it even more tragic. The song is about the poor and homeless in US. But it applies even more accurately to India. How many millions of people live life in real hell everyday. Compare their lives with ours and we realize that "It's just another day for you and me in paradise"

Lyrics:

She calls out to the man on the street
sir, can you help me?
Its cold and Ive nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?

He walks on, doesnt look back
He pretends he cant hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

She calls out to the man on the street
He can see shes been crying
Shes got blisters on the soles of her feet
Cant walk but shes trying

Oh think twice...

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say

You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that shes been there
Probably been moved on from every place
cos she didnt fit in there

Oh think twice...

The Devil Programmer

I am self proclaimed devil programmer now ! Look at the following error message which Valgrind (A memory checking tool for C programs) gave me while I was testing one of my programs on it.

==25161== More than 100000 total errors detected. I'm not reporting any more.
==25161== Final error counts will be inaccurate. Go fix your program!
==25161== Rerun with --error-limit=no to disable this cutoff. Note
==25161== that errors may occur in your program without prior warning from
==25161== Valgrind, because errors are no longer being displayed.

Valgrind is definitely not a very amicable tool ;) This message especially is quite hurting to a programmer's false ego !!

I mean can you imagine! Someone can actually write a program with 100000 errors in it ! I have just done it !!!

P.S.
I have yet to find the cause of these problems. I hope I can do that in this birth. Otherwise my soul will wander in eternity, searching for root causes of 100000 errors.

Where are you my friend

One of my naive attempts at writing poetry. Dedicated to one of my best friends.

Where are you my friend

Those days we spent together
Unruffled by the world around
Surfing on the sea of friendship
Caring not for tomorrow to come

The days are gone and the time unknown
All look like a rusty book on a shelf
But it has the smell that haunts me
And I take the book and turn the pages

I see characters all colorful
Each one with a story to tell
All look distant but they are in my eyes
And I feel their beats when I hear my heart

And in one such story i see you
You and i and the beautiful world
The story is of love and friendship
I read it and my heart sings with joy

But the story ends without an end
The characters lost in the oblivion of time
Where are you my friend i am here
Stuck in a moment with you in mind

[Image Source:http://www.bergoiata.org/fe/landscapes2/Landscape%20-%20Green%20Corn%20Field.jpg]

The Good Shepherd

When you sit on the edge of the chair in a movie which has no action, no ghosts, no romance or no thrill then it is the indicator of the fact that the movie is strongly gripping because of its acting, plot and characters.

Similar was the case with The Good Shepherd. Directed by the legendary Robert De Niro, the movie is story revolving around the life of a CIA agent. The plot has two timelines. One during the world war II and the one depicting the events during the political conspiracies in Cuba in early 1960s. It is not a movie which you would want to watch with a flippant mood, a pitcher of coke and popcorn. No, this movie is very serious and it keeps you literally on the edge of your chair.

Although the movie is slow paced, you would not want to miss any series of events in the movie because if you did, you will be cut off from the movie. I had tough time catching all the dialogues and also keeping up with unfolding of the seemingly disconnected events. But it all makes sense in the end when the director starts to put pieces together on the board.

The character of Edward Wilson played by Matt Damon is quite intriguing. His personality is shown to be extremely introvert. He is shown to sacrifice everything he loved for the sake of serving his country yet you will not hear any patriotic belaboring from him. He silently conveys his commitment and dedication to his country through his work. There are some brilliant dialogues in the movie. For example,

"Let me ask you something... we Italians, we got our families, and we got the church; the Irish they have the homeland, Jews their tradition;... What about you people, Mr. Wilson, what do you have?"

"The United States of America, the rest of you are just visiting."

This dialogue really hits you hard if you are also a 'visitor' of this country like me. But it shows the kind of spirit that an american national has for their home country. Only if we had shown this spirit to all the invaders of our nation, we would have been a different country today.

Angelina Jolie is wasted in the movie. And so is Robert De Niro himself. Matt Damon literally shadows all the other actors in the movie. This movie is definitely a defining role for his acting career.

Watch the movie if you really want to know the other side of CIA story.

Experience with filing tax return in US

I had a yet again new experience in US. I filed my Income Tax return today. In India, I never used to bother about such 'overheads' as I always used to rely on my father to handle such matters. But here, when I have to even handle things like cooking and cleaning and grocery on my own, this was not a surprise that I had to take care of this on my own.

Here there are two types of tax. One is state tax and one is federal tax. The federal tax has an online form which can be filled in easily and can be printed and posted to the IRS office in Austin, Texas. But the state tax has no such facility as online form. So we needed some guidance on that one. On a friend's recommendation we decided to go to a consulting place which gives guidance on tax matters for free. Yes, it was absolutely free! So, even in today's world, there is something called free service and free advice.

Now this place is about 2.6 miles from our place and the timing was 9 to 12 on Saturday morning. We decided to test the strength of our legs and decided to walk! We normally walk about 1.5 miles to the school from our place daily so we thought it would not be too much. And to reach early and avoid sitting in queue, we thought we would start early.

So here we were, woken up at about 7.15 on a Saturday morning, cursing the government for the complicated tax filing procedure, wondering why they could not do it online! We started at about 8.15 from our place and kept walking. And then when we were almost half way, my devilish mind started playing tricks on me. I had read that out of two such centers, one center is closed on a last Saturday of the March. And I started having doubts about whether it was this center or the other one! We tried to call the place on the way but no one was answering as it was still not 9. Karthik had made all the plans of beating me up if the place was closed!

We actually crossed down-town of Tucson and it was so surprising because we had a feeling that down town was pretty far. But when we were walking, it didn't feel that way. We finally reached there and to my relief, the center was open.

So this center is a place where 'not so wealthy' people of Tucson come for tax related guidance. And they have volunteers who work for free to help people out. I was really impressed by this kind of facility. It was totally a non-profit institute. Not only non-profit, but they actually didn't charge any thing. Neither did they expect any tips etc. I was taken to an old man who had retired from service and he was volunteering there. He was a very nice gentleman. As expected he hardly could use computer but he was trying his best! And at every step, he used to explain to me what those fields meant. And he said, next year when you come to this center, you will fill the form yourself and I will sit besides you and watch !

It took him long to complete all the forms but he did it very meticulously. And we were done before 10.30 or so. I had not expected it to be so smooth but it turned out to be a nice new experience. So now I am a tax-paying alien resident in this country! With this, I have three tax returns on my name. Two in India and one here!!

World Cup 07 - Time for introspection

"If a game starts taking lives, there is something sickeningly wrong with it". This statement by Sambit Bal, Cricinfo team pretty much sums up the events at this world cup so far. The most unfortunate event probably in the history of the game took place in the small and peaceful island of West Indies. Pakistani coach Bob Woolmer brutally murdered after a crashing exit of Pakistani team from the World Cup. Strangled to death. Most cold blooded murder one can think of.

This game has once again shown its ugly face. This game is like some black magic woman who is irresistible in guise but dangerous when it shows its real face. Probably we will never know the truth. Everyone is talking his own version of the story. Media is leaving no stone unturned to spice up the whole drama. Some version of the story says he was murdered because he was going to reveal some links with bookies. Some say it was a revenge for the defeat by some fanatic. Common sense suggests that whoever killed him, must have been someone he knew. Which leaves the needle of suspicion turned towards the players or the team management persons.

My fear is that the truth will never come out. The ICC is powerful and rich enough to damp the whole incident. At least till the world cup is over. They do not want any bad publicity. It is time for minting money. Human life is no more valuable for them. Many more Bobs can be sacrificed if need be. It's brutal world out there which tries to find profits even in the satchel of death.

India and Pakistan are known for their fanatic cricket followers. In one of the recent interviews, South African bowler Alan Donald said Indian and Pakistani cricket fans are fanatic. This is our impression. We are crazy for a game, so crazy that we can take lives. If that theory turns out to be correct.


The links between Cricket and Bookies-Underworld are not new. Asian bookies have had aegis of Underworld. And the theory that he was murdered because he was going to expose some of the cricketers and members of Pakistani team looks more reasonable to me. The typical Asian mafia are all too powerful and have riches and reaches as long as we can imagine.




Cricket is such an inseparable part of Indian life style. Before the world cup it looked as if the future of the whole country depended on Indian Cricket team. Big hoardings, television commercials, news sites like CNN-IBN, news papers and each and every communication medium had glorified the event as if those eleven players were fighting some war for their country. Some of the advertisements actually looked funny. And if you look at them now, they will look ludicrous and outrageous.



And now when team india has failed to even enter the second round, facing disgraceful defeat, we see fanaticism taking over the Indian cricket fans. Effigies are burnt, houses of cricketers are broken, emails full of dark humour about Indian cricket team are being circulate, funny SMSes deriding cricketers are in demand. What does this show? Gross immaturity! Why should it be so important in our lives? When India is playing, the whole country descends into motionless frenzy. Everyone is either at home, stuck in front of the tv set or huddled in a shop or a restaurant to cheer for the team. I simply do not understand how can we allow a game to take over daily routine of our life? How can it be so important? Why can't we give it a break? If we do that, automatically the Godly status of the cricketers will be stripped. They will be brought back to the mortal lives as players.



It is time to change our attitude towards the game. It is time for Indian cricket team to realize that they can not do whatever they want. They are answerable to the common man who spends hours watching them play. They are as responsible to the country as they are to their sponsors who feed millions of dollars to them. If they pay them dollars, it is we the commons men who have taken them to that level. If they forget us, we should remind them of that fact.

[Image Source: Cricket section of www.indiatimes.com]

Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd

I couldn't resist myself from posting this magical song here. Pink floyd at their one of the best.



Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, i

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone

A soul in tension thats learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, i

Friction lock - set.
Mixture - rich
Propellers - fully forward
Flaps - set - 10 degrees
Engine gauges and suction - check

Mixture set to maximum percent - recheck
Flight instruments...
Altimeters - check both
(garbled word) - on
Navigation lights - on
Strobes - on
(to tower): confirm 3-8-echo ready for departure
(tower): hello again, this is now 129.4
(to tower): 129.4. its to go.
(tower): you may commence your takeoff, winds over 10 knots.
(to tower): 3-8-echo
Easy on the brakes. take it easy. its gonna roll this time.
Just hand the power gradually, and it...

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

Theres no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss
Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, i

A Fine Balance - A novel by Rohinton Mistry

This novel is the most tragic reading I have ever had. Normally I prefer not to read tragic novels or watch tragic movies. Although they depict reality, my line of argument against them has always been that we read fiction or watch movie to escape the reality. To find a quiet nook under the shed of unreal world and feel the joy of detachment from reality. But breaking my notion about sad fiction work for this book and reading it full was worth every minute I spent on it. The book is written with immensely powerful words and the author narrates the story or rather weaves the story in a splendid fashion.

The story circles around four ordinary people whose lives have been interwoven in an extra ordinary way. It is set in the backdrop of one of the blackest era of Indian History after partition – the era of Emergency in early nineteen seventies. The story flows smoothly, unfolding mundane events in the lives of these people and then goes on to unraveling the darkest tragedies possible which happen in these people’s lives. With a single factor which interconnects them – the role of Government during the Emergency time.

The author takes you on a sad ride, giving you deep insight into the events surrounding the four characters. Takes you to the innermost crux of their personalities. And gradually ends the rollercoaster ride in what can be called a zenith of tragedy.

The story reveals the dark patches in the Indian history. Issues like caste based atrocities; unjustifiable obligations enforced upon women in the society; abominable corruption in every place which eats the society like cancer; irresponsible, unreasonable and loathsome personalities of politicians; crimes committed in the name of disciplining the public during Emergency era; the human-trade; hooliganism prevailing everywhere; killings in the name of religion; political revenge and so on. The list is long. And remembering every incidence which was an indirect evidence of one such of the list makes me more uncomfortable.

Without being explicit, the author successfully conveys his disapproval of the acts committed by the government during that time. With biting sarcasm he flays those who were responsible for the calamity and catastrophic conditions which prevailed at that time. Some of the one liners are really touching. In my personal view, he holds a place as high as Oscar Wilde, though the learned critics would disapprove of any such comparison.

Without going into the nitty-gritty of evaluating the author, I would recommend this book to those who like thought provoking serious reading. Take a dive into the dark, gloomy and grief world that Rohinton Mistry recreates from the pages of history into a fiction novel.

Dreams

I fear dreams. Not the dreams that I get at night. Though some of the dreams I get can certainly be called mild forms of nightmares. And I am quite used to it now. But here I am talking about the dreams one sees during the day. The dreams about our lives. Dreams of achieving something. Dreams of possessing ‘your precious’, the thing that you have always longed for, so dearly that the desire to have it starts to become a part of your life. Such dreams are dangerous. Not that they are not lovely. They always feel sweet and beautiful. When these dreams break, they leave behind a disgruntled and psychologically weakened soul.

You see pattern all around you. This behavior of fate is also like a pattern now. You dream. You work hard to achieve it. You inch forward in the direction of achieving it. It feels like it is just at the reach of your hand. You try to grab it and it disappears. Disillusioned, you are left behind.

How similar this looks to the phenomenon of bubbles. Forming in the water, growing and suddenly breaking into minute beads of water. Dreams breaking have much more lasting impact. The entire process passes through four phases. Formation, Growth, Break and Pain. Cycle repeating itself. Coming back full circle again.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I take Life as a Drama on the stage of earth. God - Director of the Drama has scripted it so well and full of suspense, thrills and emotions that it actually looks more like a reel version than the real one. He entices us into dreaming. He nourishes this dream and makes us believe that it can turn into reality. And gullible us! We also start believing that. And then comes the ironical twist in the tale. The most beloved dream is hammered by a cruel blow of fate which you can’t dodge and is shattered into pieces. Leaving the dreamer distraught. Wondering what went wrong.

Wise people have always been saying, 'Never be afraid of dreaming big'. But few tell us how to react to situation when the dreams are shattered. Bertrand Russell is a wonderful raconteur. He makes us believe every word he says. He discusses handling such tormenting situations in his work 'Conquest of Happiness'. But much remains at the liberty and interpretation of the reader. And strength and determination of him.

How do I react to it? I take it as another game being played by destiny with me. I get angry, I fret, I whine and I complain to God. But then it gets over in some time. I realize that it is not that we should not complain because we are helpless. I think that we should not complain because we are here to fight against all odds. To emerge as winners. So, like a wounded tiger, I stand tall. Ready to battle against all hindrances. Take all the challenges at their face value. And show them the mettle and spirit of a fighter.

[Image Source: http://tn3-2.deviantart.com/fs11/300W/i/2006/255/6/c/it__s_dreams_that_binds_us_by_chimy_rainbow.jpg]

Courage

Coincidences have a good affection with my life. They keep popping up from nowhere. I was standing at the street, waiting for the walk-sign to turn green and I thought how would a person who can not see cross the road if there is no voice instructions? I know at some crossroads, these aides are provided and the walk-sign has voice support for the blind people. But I was thinking it should be provided at every crossroad. Nevertheless I respect this country a lot for the provision they give to the physically challenged. Parking lots, crossroads, elevators, and every other place which requires special attention to the disabled, this country has provided for it.

My purpose of this post is not to praise US government or US society for what they do. I will come to the point where I started.

Coincidentally, the moment I crossed the road and walked a few steps, I saw a small girl, aged hardly more than 10 yrs, walking with a stick along side a woman. Yes, she could not see. She was a blind kid. And yet, what moved me was the courage that was visible on her face. She was not holding that lady's hand. She was on her own, with her soul companion for the life - her stick. The lady was training her how to feel the road with the stick, how to identify the poles on the pavement, how to know where to turn and so on. And she was there, patiently listening, following instructions, asking questions innocently, without any trace of grief in her voice and with a lot of determination and strength.

This is what I call courage. Most of us get shivers at the thought of spending even a few hours in the darkness. And here, this girl who has not even seen the world properly at her age, will have to spend her whole life in the suffocating darkness. But still she has accepted the fact and now she is ready to fight the battle. Battle with the destiny that has been forced upon her.

Why did God decide to take away the most precious thing known to humans from her? The vision? Did He think that the world is so ugly that the little soul does not deserve to see it? Does it not have any other beautiful things which this little child needs to see? Is it not cruel and extremely unfair to this child?

All the complaints aside, what we all need to learn from this is that we always crib and complain about our own problems. Open your eyes and look around. People with a million times more misery than yours are living in this world. And living with pride, living with courage. They do not give up. They fight. This is what all the people, including me, need to learn. Face the challenges. Conquer them. Live life like a warrior.

Amul's orange flavored milk chocolate and Hot-Wheels cars

It was mention of chocolate which sparked the thought process in my mind about the reminiscences of childhood. And the chocolate which flashed in my mind was Amul's orange flavored milk chocolate. I am not sure if Amul still makes it or not. But when we were kids, my sister and I, we used to have that a lot. Fruit&Nut and Orange. Amul was the best! There are so many things which give you a thrill when you feel them in the present and they never fail to revive your memories when later you remember them and think how special it was to you at that time.

The most exciting were those toy model cars which papa used to buy for me. They were called hot-wheels and believe me, they were really 'hot' at that time! And my fascination for cars was just too intense when I was a kid. Toy cars and guns. They were like a passion for me. And on birthdays, I would always expect that I will get one such! But even without birthdays, my father used to get them for me. In all shapes and colors! Mostly I remember the red ones. The sports type cars. And also those fire trucks! Machine guns and pistols. There was also a yellow colored bus which was my favorite just because it was so big! And once or twice I remember one of my aunts got one red colored racer car for me from US. And that was such an exciting moment for me! I have a pic with that car in my hand and an ebullient wide smile on my face. As if saying, 'look! I have the fastest car within my reach'.

After those days, my liking turned to cricket bat and ball. I wanted a branded cricket bat and papa knew it. One birthday, he took me to a sports good shop and got that bat for me. I think it had 'Power' written on it and in those days, Kapil Dev used to advertise for this brand. It was an amazing feeling. Getting a branded bat and that too from an authentic sports goods shop! And almost every month I used to buy balls. One kind or the other. I have a big collection of different balls at home. They include Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Ping-pong and so on. And ya, my favorite ones where those small rubber balls which were called 'crazy balls' which used to bounce a lot. They were made of hard rubber and were solid. I mean they were not hollow from inside. I was so fond of them. I broke our tv cabinet glass with one such ball one day and incurred wreath from my mom! I was really scared to see the glass shatter!

I was not much for clothing when I was a kid. But one thing I remember is a white shirt which my mom and papa got me. It was this crisp cotton, immaculate white, full sleeves and the Polo symbol on it. It would remain my favorite piece for long time to come.

My first bicycle was also one gem of a thing. I can't remember the name of it but it was pretty much 'in' those days. It was black-green colored stylish thing and so light weight! I remember the first ride on it was so thrilling. As if I were riding a Harley Davidson!

During school days, I think I am talking about secondary schooling days, Saturday afternoons were most awaited! Because we used to get comic books. Papa would buy us lots and lots of comic books and mostly on Saturdays because of weekend. All those Indian super-heroes. If you remember Captain Dhruv, Nagraj, Chacha Chaudhrey and so on! I can't explain how enthusiastically I used to wait for those comics. And would read slowly for the fear of finishing them before quickly!

New school bags, first Milton's water bottle, new note books, plastic covers for books, labels, those starry-jazzy stickers for notebook covers, erasers with fragrance and colors, new wax colors, board games... All these things which sound trivial today were of great importance to me as a kid! And birthday was always a special day when I would anticipate the whole previous day about what I was going to get next day.

And the most recent thrill was getting my first cell phone. LG 3070 with a flap and 65k colors. Silver color and dual color display. I got this when I joined my first job. It was one of the most beautiful phones on earth according to me and I bought it without caring much about the features and functionalities. And it was pretty much costly too. But what mattered to me was it looked dazzlingly pretty! I used it for two years and still it has not lost its charm. I miss it here in US though.

Things have changed quite a lot. I don't know if it is because of maturity or self-reliance or something else. I wasn't excited about my new bike here! It was just a routine thing. More shocking was my total lack of interest in the new phone that I bought. Though this is the phone which used to be one of my dream phones back in India, it is not so exciting anymore. It is 'just another' phone! A 12 dvd Lord of the Rings set is no more exciting than a bunch of diamond comic books. A new laptop is not as charming as the first monophonic tape recorder. Neither is Hershey's chocolate bar as tasty as Amul's orange flavored milk chocolate.

Things in the past always look beautiful. I asked a friend why. The answer was, 'your mind doesn't want to remember the things which are not beautiful'. I couldn't help but agree.

[Image Source: http://www.sandsmuseum.com/cars/elise/merchandise/miniature/hotwheels.jpg]

Tatas make India proud. Tata Steel wins Corus deal.

I have never written a journalistic post in this blog before. But I couldn't resist myself from writing about today's historical event. After lots of speculations and anxious waiting moments, Ratan Tata emerged as the winner in the auction for Corus Steel, a company three times as big as Tata Steel. Tata Steel is now 5th largest Steel company in the world!


Here is the story !
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/tata-steels-big-deal-wins-corus-as-csn-withdraws/32441-7.html

I can imagine the whole auction to be as interesting as a thrilling movie scene with an emphatic win for the hero in the end! Ratan Tata has proved himself a true Indian hero.

The nitty-gritty of the deal is pretty complex and very interesting too. Tatas started their bid with around 400 something pence per share and they seemed winners initially. Then the Brazilian steel company CSN jumped into the game and offered 475 pence per share to Corus. After a few increases in bids from both the companies, the issue ultimately reached Auction house in which Tatas overpowered CSN with giving a final 608 pence bid, amounting to $11.3 bn! CSN backed off from the fight and Tatas were announced winners.

What an amazing end to a courageous feat! "Fortune favors brave" - the saying was proved correct again. This was the biggest take over done by any Indian company in the history of India.


Ratan Tata - The businessman of the year

http://www.ibnlive.com/videos/31915/indian-of-the-year-tata-biz-boss.html

Snow, Fog and Clouds - White is Gandalf's favorite color !

Beauty is truth's smile
when she beholds her own face in
a perfect mirror.

Beauty is in the ideal of perfect harmony which is in the universal being; truth the perfect comprehension of the universal mind

Rabindranath Tagore

It all looks beautiful in the pictures. But trust me; it looks even more dazzling when seen in real! Yes, I am talking about the majestic sight of snow covered mountains. That was the first time I saw and felt snow in my life. The place is called Alta Sierra and it is about an hour’s drive from my sister’s place in Sacramento. California is known for the blessings Mother Nature has bestowed upon it. From Santa Cruz beach at about 2-3 hours drive to this blissful, hilly, snow covered place at about an hour’s drive in the other direction, Sacramento is situated in a magnificent place geographically

We started at a time in the morning which can be fairly called late for an outing. We started at about 10 o’clock, enjoying the lazy morning of a holiday and then getting ready quickly to start for the place. We dropped the plan of going to Yosemite National Park near San Francisco because it was a long drive and the weather also was predicted to turn hostile. So we decided to go to Alta Sierra which is on the way to the famous Lake Tahoe. The weather was calm and partly cloudy. We started the drive with a cup of strong coffee at a gas station. What can be better than a strong coffee with Irish cream on a cool windy winter morning?

The drive was pretty nice, plain fields decorating both the sides of the highway. I should rather say ‘freeway’ in American flavor of the language. As we reached near the place which is actually something like a holiday resort famous for skiing, we passed some beautiful hilly roads with valleys on one side and hills on the other. The valley looked stunningly marvelous because of snow covered trees and also layers of snow on the fields. The first sight of snow was indeed exciting for me. It was as if some picture drawn had been made into reality. No camera can capture the real beauty of nature’s wonders in its full essence.

The site in the above picture is of the skiing peak. The place is known for skiing. But it would have been silly to jump to the activity we didn't know! And we were not very keen on taking lessons too. So we took a mid-way out and went for something called 'Tubing'. In this, they give you a rubber tube in which you can sit and then they slide you down the slope.

The whole atmosphere around was so charged up! Everyone was in holiday mood. And the weather was also excellent as it was not snowing and there was the bright sun shining in the sky. So it was not unbearablly cold which made it all the more beautiful. I was wearing two jeans (Yes, you read it right, one over the other), a T-shirt, sweater, jacket and other winter accessories like gloves. Perhaps that's how it is when you are surrounded by the hills of ice!

In the above picture you can see the fog covering the mountain peaks. As the God wanted the beauty of those mountains to be veiled behind the enegmatic charms of dense fog! The trip was indeed a memorable one and take my word, this place is indeed worth visiting once if you are around California.

For you, mother

Today is my mom's birthday.





This is for you ma...

Baby's Way by Rabindranath Tagore


If baby only wanted to, he could fly up to heaven this moment.
It is not for nothing that he does not leave us.
He loves to rest his head on mother's bosom, and cannot everbear to lose sight of her.

Baby know all manner of wise words, though few on earth canunderstand their meaning.
It is not for nothing that he never wants to speak.
The one thing he wants is to learn mother's words frommother's lips.
That is why he looks so innocent.

Baby had a heap of gold and pearls, yet he came like a beggaron to this earth.
It is not for nothing he came in such a disguise.
This dear little naked mendicant pretends to be utterlyhelpless, so that he may beg for mother's wealth of love.

Baby was so free from every tie in the land of the tiny crescent moon.
It was not for nothing he gave up his freedom.
He knows that there is room for endless joy in mother's littlecorner of a heart, and it is sweeter far than liberty to be caughtand pressed in her dear arms.

Baby never knew how to cry.
He dwelt in the land of perfect bliss.
It is not for nothing he has chosen to shed tears.
Though with the smile of his dear face he draws mother'syearning heart to him, yet his little cries over tiny troublesweave the double bond of pity and love.

Image source: http://yorunokoe.net/blog/images/Photos/roses.jpg

What has changed?

What has changed?

It was early Sunday morning and I was being driven in a cab to the Tucson International Airport. Some beautiful western classical music was playing which I did not understand. The cabwoman was very talkative and she kept on talking about something or the other varying from weather in India to whether we celebrate Christmas in India and so on. And out of the blue, this question struck me. What has changed? This was the place I had longed to be in. The US of A. The land of opportunities. The land of knowledge. Right now, I am at thousands of feet from the land. Leaving on a Jet plane as Elton John sings! And I can’t help giving way to my thoughts and reminiscences of the last 5 months at the Graduate school.

I have started treading the path I have chosen. The beginning of my journey has been mixed with pleasant as well as harrowing moments. Days filled with stressful hours of work. Days filled with anxiety about project completion. Tremendous pressure to perform well in a severely competitive class. Constant effort to attain financial support from the school. Moments of pain. Moments of small yet tantalizing achievements too. I have been exposed to the shades of life which I had never seen before. I never knew how it felt to continuously fail in achieving your goal and then succeed finally and emerge like a winner. I was unaware of how it felt to have worked extremely hard for something and then loose it by a small margin. I never knew how much effort was actually required to outperform someone who is definitely smarter than you. All these things I learned here the hard way. Life has been a good teacher.

So I sit back and think. What has changed? Or rather more relevant question is, have I changed? If yes, how much have I changed? For good or bad? I believe, what life has taught me in these months is really precious. More than learning operating systems or networking, it is more about learning how to face challenges. In the mega-epic Hindu literature Mahabharata, the Arjun’s son Abhimanyu is faced with a challenge which has seven stages. Each stage getting more and more difficult. And the epic drama-poem depicts how the brave warrior Abhimanyu, achieves his goal of penetrating all seven stages one by one. I have tremendous amount of respect for Mahabharata because it is has some element of life for everyone. It describes every sort of problem human kind can face. And also solution which is, ethical or otherwise, but effective. I take the analogy of Abhimanyu’s victory over seven stages and compare it with any ambitious person’s struggle to achieve the goal she sets for herself. And to live upto the expectations of herself and the world around her.

With every achievement, the stakes are higher. A new set of expectations rise from deep within. Expectations from yourself. And also, with higher and higher confidence. Isn’t this phenomenon common in the world in many diverse situations? For example a gambler will keep raising his bets if he is on a winning streak. A team will display more and more attacking game if they are scoring goals. Being a computer science student, I can’t help quote technical example too. That is the TCP networking protocol which has exponential behavior while controlling the congestion at transport layer. If the congestion is not detected, the sending rate of packets is continuously increased. Every success defines higher confidence level. New expectations, new goals established for oneself. Increased enthusiasm to work harder. And show the world that you are capable of doing much more than this.

Success makes you ecstatic. But failure makes you stronger. It is the failure which makes a person think more. Securing financial aid for the first semester just remained a wish. I could not make it. Hitting upon four or five almost definite opportunities, I failed in the end in each one. Most of them, without my own fault. Some of them I still haven’t been able to figure out whose fault it was. Was it just the fate acting against me or was I really not deserving it? But that does not matter anymore. Another blow came as below average performance in one of the subjects for which I had really worked very hard throughout the semester. But the last two hapless hours of final exam ruined all the hard work and I ended up with not so great a result in that subject. I do not have anyone else but myself to blame for that. If I look back, I realize it required more effort from my side. Probably more hard work than I had done.

As the greatest boxer of our time Mohammad Ali says, “Float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee; You just can’t hit what your eyes can’t see” It is about seeing the goal clearly. And an unsuccessful attempt makes you think about how to make your goal even clearer than it is now. Mahabharata also talks about the exploits of Arjun. One of the episodes describes Arjun taking training of archery along with his brothers. And while other could see the whole target bird object, Arjun could only see the bird’s eye as the target. For success, you need this level of accuracy in defining your target and tracking it. Not at any moment, I am claiming that I have attained this level of accuracy or proficiency in whatever I do, but it is for all of us to derive the learning from such episodes of legendary epic.

We don’t know whether the story of Mahabharata ever happened on this earth. Neither do we know whether a man like Arjun or a deity like Krishna walked the surface of Indian continent. But more important characteristics of such epics is to take lessons in indirect form. Instead of questioning the veracity of them, we should learn the underlying morals and principles of such stories. This is what makes them larger than life. The legends. The sources of inspiration.


But apart from all this learning, have I as a part of society, changed? I think I am still the same. Distance and work has not prevented me from being in touch with my family and loved ones. My hobbies and tastes for music and reading have not changed. I am still in love with the music of Pink Floyd as intensely as I was before! I still hate cooking! Even after 5 months of cooking practice, I still do not enjoy it. My heart still bleeds for India when the Indian government brings silly legislations and make way for downfall of Indian society and intellect. I still hate Indian cricket team but still follow the game. Thus maybe as an individual, I have changed and improved a lot. But the other aspect of my personality has still remained the same. That's the beauty of life. The constant change with immutable underlying personality.

Image source:http://www.winds-of-change.nl/templates/test/images/WoC_r3_c3.jpg